The Barbarian Ravens from Hell...

Do you know anyone who'll kill for money?

Not an assassination. Neither its just a single person. Its more of a mass genocide - kind of Saddam-ish. I'll be a paying customer. And I know for sure that the act will be highly hailed and rewarded among masses.

It so happens that we have this sorry-excuse-for-a-shop, a sad namesake of the baker from The Godfather (who saved Michael Corleone when his pop got shot.. sob!) - it's called 'Enzo' in our men's hostel campus. The people there are rude, make pathetic coffee and worse, they don't even try to understand our language! They are crazy people, I'd say..

However, it doesn't stop me from chugging down bucketful of coffee everyday that I get from there. And neither they're the people I want to kill! (Wait a minute.. given a choice, I mean, given a guilt-free pass, I would definitely give it a moment of thought..)

All I want to kill are the damned CROWS that gather in front of that wretched place!!

By now, you all must be knowing (for if you don't, you're lonely! You need a life and a girlfriend..) that sparrows are getting extinct because of all the electromagnetic radiation in our atmosphere. That is sad, I love sparrows and they don't exactly pose any threat, neither do they make a terrible shriek of their bird-call.. They don't poop on your head, clothes, places.. In fact I've never ever, EVER seen them pooping!! Do they.. I mean.. poop at all?

I'm kidding (if you didn't get it, that is..) Of course, they poop! But you know what poops more? CROWS! They poop an entire mugful every time some random unpretending stranger walks down the street, in his best dress, below the tree it's sitting.. 'SPLOTCH!'

These crows, about hundreds of them, roam around surveying the scenery around the dustbins, waste-paper heaps and every single branch of the tree that lies around Enzo.. Its their territory now. They rule those lands, their badlands.

It started with patties and cakes initially. These crows would be subtle, quick and smooth as they swoop down from their high-perched heavens on their hungry, unassuming victims and snatch the food.. It was all being done in a flawless sense of convincing righteousness.

Who's your Daddy?

However, the rise of all civilizations depend on their ambition and foresight. The crows were no exception to this formula.. They're thriving now. And since I caught them stealing food from a poor freshman girl from within the Technology tower, far away inside the college campus, I can successfully say that their brood is 'going places' almost literally! Nowadays they don't give a damn on subtlety. And whoever mentioned being quiet and smooth! They're devil incarnate, a scratching, clawing, hitting, biting army of crazy guerrillas! These beak-bastards are even targeting the coffee-drinking population within VIT! And that's where my concern comes in.. What pleasure do they get by spilling fluids just to ruin someone's day, money and the carnal need-to-drink-coffee..

Ever since 6 years ago, a diarrheal-crow shit on my new Levi Strauss purchase just before I got out with my friends to watch the movie King Kong and got us 15 minutes late, I've held a grudge. They happen to be the fastest example of evolution, nature will ever view. The crows are now a well-known phenomenon. They're the talking point in our social circles, on the campus, social networking, Facebook, Google+ and in the darkest corner's of the mind of every VITian graduate's life..

It's time fellas, time to kill. Time to take the law in our own hands.