Sassy Pie

I have a bit of an exhibitionist streak in me... I like to show off for people. Yeah, you should see me at the strip club. Kind of ridiculous. You can tell my daddy didn't love me enough when I was a kid. Anywho.My friend Jason suggested that as a way to let loose my inner exhibitionist, I should model for his friend Emily as she was taking a boudoir photography class. So Emily and I began messaging on Facebook and we decided on a date and time after she had taken the class. I found a few...

I am just in the mood to write. Not sure what to write about yet, but you'll probably read it anyhow and waste ten minutes of your life you'll never get back just hoping that I'm going to say something witty and hilarious. Sorry about the ten minutes.I got a pretty new pair of shoes... They were on clearance for $20 at DSW. Oh, how I heart DSW. And Chinese Laundry. God bless them for making shoes in size Clownfoot that are comfortable and freaking adorable. I wore them to the drag show this...

So wow, I have once again fallen into the land of the Intarwebz-less. Whoever my fabulous neighbors were who had unlocked internet, I miss you. Come back. Anywho, I've had a plot in my head for a post since Amy told me about a very innocent (and hilarious) comment her niece made. Her niece asked her mom, "Do princesses poop?" Yes, I cracked up laughing. Cause poop is fucking funny, ya'll. Of course we all know that real princesses poop. It's not like Kate had her poop chute sewn up because...

And thanksgiving this year began much like thanksgiving last year did. With me dropping something. Thank god it wasn't the apple pie, like it was last year! No, this year, it was a heavy glass candle holder. And I broke the fall with my foot. Sweet Baby Jesus, did that hurt! I still have a curve-shaped bruise from that sucker. So I suppose I should actually update on what's going on in life lately, as it's pretty much been, date-date-date-food porn lately... On the dating front: Jason is now in a relationship with another girl. But it's good, they're good for one another. We are still ...

I know it's been a shamefully long time since I last posted food porn. Please, hold your produce. Seriously? Who threw that? Anywho, you all have my lovely momma to thank for my bringing you this food porn. Because I'm terrible daughter and I'm about three holidays in baking debt, she demanded nothing short of excellence for her birthday this year. I could tell there was no fucking way I was getting off the hook... She asked me for entremet. Not that particular one, but it's basically a...

Dating is decidedly becoming less and less of the bullshit variety with every date I've gone on lately. I went on a second date with Travis, and I have to rant and rave about his mad skills... In the kitchen. Seriously, trying to figure out something to do in this godforsaken town on a Sunday night besides the tired old 'dinner and a movie' schtick is damn difficult. So he invited me over to his place for dinner and said he would cook for me. I will never say no to food, kittens. Then, he one-upped himself. He told me what he was planning on making. Bacon (!!!) and goat cheese stuffed chicken ...

I had a date last night. Yeah, that's been happening a lot lately. Dating is bullshit, but it also is not. Seeing as I've only had one bad date, I'm kind of digging this whole dating thing. Last night was my first date with Travis, the guy I blogged about texting with the other day. Seeing as how our text message conversations have been riveting and full of hilarity, I was very damn excited to meet him in person. He has a thing for old-fashioned military pinup girls, so I decided to go with something to accentuate the hourglass figure. :) I wore a fitted black pinstripe pencil skirt that hugs ...

Breathe really is a funny looking word, isn't it? It seems like there shouldn't be an 'e' on the end of it. I really have the urge to write something. I'm not sure exactly what that is yet, but keep hanging with me and I'm sure I'll spark something witty and hilarious. And if not, you're welcome. This will be a few minutes of your life you'll never get back. Yesterday was an interesting day... Hung out with Erf and Erflet, had our family time. As we were walking around Target, I got some texts from Jason. The long and short of the story is that I ended up urging him to get back together with ...

This was just too funny not to make into a blog post. Here is a conversation I had this afternoon with a guy I met on OkCupid (texts are typed verbatim): Me: Perhaps. I don't kiss and tell. :) Guy: LOL but do you swallow :p Me: It is the difference between like and love... ;) Guy: Really that's how you let a guy know you love him lol ...

Today I went out for lunch with my mom and a few of her co-workers... We went to Applebees. Because, duh, 2 for $20? Of course!I gorged myself on boneless wings and ate 1/4 of my salad, but whatever.We had a really cute server. Really cute. Of course everyone at the table comments on it, and I agreed...I smiled, held my glances a few times, being generally flirtatious, but trying not to be overly so. He brought us some plates for our appetizers and asked if we needed anything, and I said something along the lines of no thank you, but I didn't look at him. My mom comments on how flirty I was.Um, ...

I'm sitting here with a huge grin on my face. OkCupid, you have redeemed yourself. Seriously. I'm happy to know that not all the guys on there are creepers. Matter of fact, I met one who has thus far been pretty damn awesome. (Referencing a previous post, he's the one who is slightly older, witty and smart) Messaging was slow at first, but excellent conversation nonetheless. Then we began exchanging texts, and the conversations got exponentially more fantastic. It takes a lot to stimulate me on both an intellectual and humorous level, and this guy hits both of those in just the right way. We ...

Seriously though! So as many of you probably already know, I've joined OkCupid to try and score some dates and meet new people. Of course, you'll always run into creepers. My first creeper was actually before coffee date guy, a guy who messaged me simply asking, "Do you ever let that heel dangle off the end of your foot?" Um, I'm really not into foot fetishes you weirdo. I'm sure there are women out there willing to flog your log with their feet, but I'm not one of them. Nor will I take a dump on your toes. Then there was coffee date guy. Nuff said. ...

If you don't know who Debra Morgan is, well, I just feel sorry for you not having experienced the wonder that is Dexter. I heart him like whoa, and I would so marry him and make Harrison a good mama. Anywho. So Sunday night was my date with drywall guy, and this date actually went rather well! I met him at a local brewery/pizzeria owned by a couple I know (sending business to the locals, ftw!) around 7. Yes, I texted my mom to let her know when I got there. Apparently by 9 she was beginning to get worried. Good thing beer has a direct line to my bladder, because I texted her when I was peeing ...

Too bad I'm such a dipshit about writing new blogs. But at least I usually write about something entertaining! Right?... *crickets* Ahem. I have a complaint, kittens. I recently joined OkCupid for fun, hoping to meet some new people and maybe score a few dates. I have learned a hard lesson about dating websites. Because of course my first date from an online source would be stereotypical. Jesus. My complaint isn't about OkCupid (though some of their 'match questions' are seriously lame. WTF.), but about my first date. I was messaged by a guy who had a nice, original message complimenting my ...

It started back in May with a flirtation from a hot guy. It progressed to making out with a guy I had just met (and nothing more). Now, it will all culminate in the event I've been waiting for... My first date. Yes, I've officially been invited out on my first real date. Jilly and I were out at the local Irish bar again last night, and a guy behind us told the bartender he would like to buy us a drink. Well fuck yeah, of course! We had a delicious shot made into a drink called the Ugly Betty, which is a specialty of theirs. And it is orgasmically good. We got our drinks, turned around, cheered, ...