Laugh out Loud

Prison Vs. Work December 19, 2011 IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell. AT WORK....you spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle. - - - - - - - - - - - - IN PRISON...you get three meals a day (free). AT WORK.....you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it yourself. - - - - - - - - - - - - IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior. AT WORK.....you get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK. - - - - - - - - - - - - IN PRISON...a guard locks...

Some Interesting Newspaper Headlines December 19, 2011 • Include Your Children when Baking Cookies • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says • Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers • Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted • Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case • Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents • Iraqi Head Seeks Arms • Prostitutes Appeal to Pope • Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over • British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands • Teachers Strike...

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage." 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..." 5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <7. Speak only in a...

10. Cats' facial expressions 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds7. Fat clothes6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow3. Eyelash curlers2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever madeAnd the number One thing only women understand:1. OTHER WOMEN

Young Sipho goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and covers his head with it. He says: "Look mamma, I am a white boy!" His mother slaps him hard on the face and says: "Sipho, go show your dad what you've done!!" So he does, and his dad slaps him too. His granny happens to be right next to his dad and she slaps him vehemently in disgust.Then Sipho's mom says: "Did you learn something from all this?The poor little Sipho shakes his head, crying and...

Dear Child, I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though. Last week I...

Newly issued alcohol warnings 1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away. 2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. 3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you 4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. 5. WARNING:...