Dogs & Jeans

has decided to abandon the penny. Citing the need to reduce spending and the fact that it now costs more to produce the 1 cent coin (1.6 cents worth of minerals), the recent federal budget included an end to penny production in 2012. In an effort to stem protest from the loss of the little copper piece, the Conservative government is also eliminating any reference to the tiny currency in popular culture, idioms or any other daily life. Some examples of rigid social engineering include: Edits...

enough of a lead in Wisconsin to win the upcoming primary. With this win, Romney will have enough delgates to guarantee the Republican nomination. Those close to the GOP campaign point to the folloing as signs the former governmor has already put his leadership bid on cruise control and will be coasting into the nomination campaign: Has blown off several meet-and-greets to see The Hunger Games 11 times. boycott Iranian oil. Demanded all aides use their campaing phones to vote for American...

With the increasing trend of mothers eating their placenta, the Food Network is jumping on the bandwagon offering new programming. Several new shows will be launched featuring recipes and techniques for preparing afterbirth. Surprisingly none of them have anything to do with Iron Chef: Bobby Flay’s Afterbirth BBQ Bonanza Placenta Wars Nigella Bites (something expelled from her body) Afterbirth Kings Placenta Yule Cake, Mulled Afterbirth Wine and traditional Spicy Placenta Balls.Expect a...

Tiger Woods has returned to his winning form. In capturing his 7th Arnold Palmer Invitational at Bayhill, the former world number one golfer won his first PGA event since the dramatic events of Thanksgiving 2009. The two plus years were marked by personal scandal, physical hardship and a drought of victories so devastating, many wondered whether the days of Tiger’s dominance were over. Sadly, a five shot win over Graeme McDowell was not enough for many fans who were so vocal they Woods 72nd...

kill two bald eagles for religious purposes has opened the floodgate to a number of quasi-religious hunting requests from other groups. The normal process of extracting feathers and other body parts from repository carcases are not sufficient for the Arapoho tribe and have set a precedent for other organizations intent on slaying something precious to satisfy their superstitions: • Irish American group The Emerald Society has organized a hunt in New York’s Central Park this St. Partick’s Day...

the federal government spent nearly $1Billion on advertising. Some campaigns were traditional public service spots intended to inform citizens of available services and improve awareness of health and safety issues. Many are thinly disguised endorsements of President Obama and his various initiatives but that is common with most administration. Many of the ads, however, appear to be completely frivolous, gratuitous. jingoistic or blatant testimonials for the President: “Merchants of Death:...

lowest rated premier ever. The producers hope viewer’s interest will be returned by the appearance of the football phenom. Although Tebow’s dance skills are currently unknown, it is hoped his signature kneel-and-pray move (known commonly as Tebowing) will be a welcome addition to the DWTS stage. “With young viewers leaving us in droves for “The Voice”, “Dateline: Election Coverage” and a ‘Magnum P.I.” marathon on TBS we need to do something to boost the public’s interest,” said head judge Len...

However, if these detractors had paid attention in history class, they would know that some of greatest presidents had forged a nation, found solace and solved international issues with the use of simple toys. George Washington used a game of skittles to strategize his attacks the night before facing a superior Hessian force at the Battle of Trenton and came out victorious. It was after a weekend Risk tournament that James Monroe came to understand the impact the end of the Napoleonic Wars...

much-anticipated film “The Hunger Games” this weekend and the ongoing excitement of March Madness basketball, organizers are adopting a similar method of candidate selection as that depicted in the movie and the NCAA tournament. “Louisiana is a perfect state to host such a primary contest,” said local Republican Party president Charlie Sullivan. “Just like the world of Panem, we are a dystopian society fraught with inequality where social order is held together by fear and misinformation....

Super Tuesday primaries, but not enough to stop Mitt Romney. However, Santorum’s “second place’ could become a lot closer if he could pick up Newt Gingrich’s delegates. In that effort, Santorum supporters are trying to entice Gingrich to drop out of the rac e and back the former Pennsylvania senator. Dogs and Jeans has uncovered the list of potential rewards being offered, some of which are very creative: An offer to finally release the long awaited sequel to “Showgirls”, Newt’s favorite...

Former child star Ashley Olsen has announced she is retiring from acting (when nobody thought she or her “Full House” twin Mary Kate had done any acting since their smash hit “Billboard Dad”) Speculation of how much longer Newt Gingrich was going to stay in the Republican nomination race. If you could have cancer due to all the Coke or Pepsi you drank in your lifetime. Praying that Peyton Manning will play football for ( Insert Your City Here ) this year. What kind of tattoo Kat Von D will...

Every year about this time, Dogs and Jeans offers advice on how to fill out your March Madness brackets. Since no money has come our way as a "reward" for this counsel, I can only imagine that readers have not taken the advice and have continued to lose their NCAA basketball pools. This year, we offer a collection of classic mistakes people make when betting college basketball. You will be rolling in dough if you avoid the following errors: Chuck E. Cheese restaurant. Don't start your bracket...

Other organizations have joined their voices to the growing chorus trying to flush this former teacher from his ‘love den’ before he does any further damage: All local Modesto grocery stores are maintaining a “Rotten Hooker” produce bin at shop entrances so customers can throw overripe tomatoes and slimy cabbages at the scumbag if he dares show his face on the streets. The once-popular School House Rock has been revived to produce a new educational short musical cartoon called “Teachers Pet...

Random thoughts from the Super Bowl: "Does the NFL have a requirement that all men over 240 lbs have full sleeve tattoos?""The Giants look pretty good. I hope the game doesn't turn into a blowout. There's nothing else on except 'Touched By An Angel'.""The next time I see a helmet pop off in a tackle, I bet there will be a head in it""Man, Tom Brady's wife is good looking!""Oo, hot wings!""And here come the Patriots.""Okay Madonna, let's get this over with...""Do you like gladiator movies...

President Obama is a snob for wanting Americans to obtain a college education, Dogs and Jeans had a closer look at the definitions contained within the former Pennsylvania senator’s dictionary: Advantage: The overwhelming improvement to quality of life that comes from simply completing a middle school education. Benefit: A positive result of hard work that improves a person’s living conditions, but only within the class structure they currently occupy. Dissatisfaction: The basic human...