My new normal

I love typos. Today’s typo is Swokken. Undecided if its a name or a place. I am swollen today and not sure of anything other than its useless to call my doctor. I am sure I’ll be told that it’s normal. I am tired of that, I want to be told how to fix it.

This again brings up the issue of the so called new normal, in which supposedly i learn to be satisfied with all the changes the cancer has wrought in my life. But it isn’t the cancer’s changes that have done me the most harm. OK, so I’m two inches shorter - that really was hard, but I am accomodating. What I can’t accomodate are the constant fevers, too low grade for concern but that won’t go away. Those started with chemo. I can’t accomodate the feet that either are numb or feel like someone is banging parts of them with a steel hammer. I can’t accomodate the mood changes that come with the medications.

I couldn’t accomodate the cognitive impairment that came with the chemo and I fought for them to reduce the amount of medication i was being given. After all, I am in remission. i am going to have to fight for the kyphoplasty that will allow me to stand up straight and reduce the constant pain i am in from the broken vertebrae.

I want to be the one who defines my new normal, not some doctor who tells me not to worry because lots of patients get those symptoms.

I haven’t been much of a fighter in my life. I guess at least that will be part of my new normal.