"My life is like a porno-movie, without the sex".

If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother Q: What did the instructor at the school for Kamikazi pilots say to his students?
A: Watch closely. I'm only going to do this once. Camouflage condoms: So they won't see you coming. A Stanford research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 3,000 responses about three days after the ad came out. All from the same person. The philosophy exam was a piece of cake -- which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper. I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out. "It's me and you against the world. So when do we attack?" I drink to make other people interesting. I got a dog and named him "Stay". Now, I go "Come here, Stay!". After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all. "Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer each, and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making any sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive. No further testing is planned." If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it. Eat healthy, exercise more, still die. Always check for ferrets before sitting. A friend is someone who knows all about you but likes you anyway. There are three types of people in this world: those who can count and those who can't. 99% of all people in the world walk around with blinders on. The other 1% walk around in total amazementAlcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk. I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, and insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.We spend nine months trying to get out, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in. There ain't no devil, ther'e just God when he's drunk. I imagine a world of love, peace, and no wars. Then I imagine myself attacking that place because they would never expect it!