Now that I gave you a foundation on the story between me and the man I love, i want to start sharing the journal I kept from the beginning till now. Enjoy the ride!

Wow, I cannot believe its been since November that I began getting to know you and pretty quickly growing attached to you. I've noticed that each day it gets harder and harder to disguise the way I feel for you, and I don't ever want to push you away by revealing those feelings. Since I first started feeling closer to you, I prayed and prayed and kept reading the bible, carefully selecting passages that pertained to me and my dilemma. I thought I was doing better, but I was fooling myself and that became evident everytime you were around me. I got flustered, red in the face, and usually chills ran through my body. Well, I respect you so much, CD, and care more than you could ever know. I know you are a good Christian man, and I don't want to ever put you in a compromising situation. That is why I have kept my feelings to myself and have "tried" not to act on my emotions. I pray that God forgives me for loving you when I am still married. I have made a concrete decision to get a divorce and move out on my own. I have a plan and I have dreams that I want to fulfill. God is first and foremost and whether its selfish or not, I pray that it be in His will that He doesn't take you away from me. I also pray that you forgive me and not think less of me because of all of this.
I may be reading wrong, but I have a strong sensation that you have feelings for me too. I totally feel that we have an awesome chemistry between us, and I have not laughed and smiled so much in my entire life! You have shown me what a man should be, moreso, what a Christian man should be. That is something I don't take lightly. The other issue is that I know you have more than once shared with me that you have a girlfriend.
(not anymore) I felt you out on that subject and didn't think that things were so strong between you both. I pray that is so for my sake. I guess that sounds a bit selfish too, but what can I say, I've fallen in love with you.