Funny Kids Joke #1:

(Contributed by anonymous)

o A little girl goes to see the doctor. She's got a pea in one nostril, a grape in the other, and a string bean stuck in her ear.

She says to the doctor... "I don't feel good."

The doctor replies... "The problem is clear to me. You're not eating right!"

o What did the chewing gum say to the shoe?

I'm stuck on you

o What did the silly comedian bake on his day off?

Cornbread

o What is black and white and pink all over?

An embarrasses s zebra!

o What did one mountain say to the other mountain?

Let's meet in the valley

o What bird steals from the rich to give to the poor?

Robin Hood

o What did the toilet say to the other toilet?

You look a little flushed

o Why did the woman wear a helmet at the dinner table?

She was on a crash diet.

o Why didn't the hotdog star in the movies?

The rolls weren't good enough.

o Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, but no atmosphere.

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Funny Kids Joke #2:

(Contributed by anonymous)

o W hat do you call a fairy that hasn't taken a bath?

Stinkerbell

o Why do birds fly south?

Because it is too far to walk.

o What time is it when an elephant sites on a fence?

Time to get a new fence.

o Which word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly?

Incorrectly

o What is the cannibals’ favorite game?

Swallow the leader.

o What do you call a scared dinosaur?

A nervous Rex.

o Why are Teddy Bears never hungry?

Because they are always stuffed.

o Who granted the fish's wish?

The Fairy Cod Mother.

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Funny Kids Joke #3:

(Contributed by Kara )

o H ow do change a pumpkin into another vegetable?

You throw it up in the air and it comes down squash.

o Why is Dracula so unpopular?

He's a pain in the neck.

o If you are American outside of the bathroom what are you when you are inside the bathroom?

European (you're a peeing)

o What did the snail say when she climbed up on the turtle's back?

Wheeeeeeeeeeee

o Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?

He wanted to get a long little doggie.

(Contributed by Kelly )

o Who always steals the soap in the bathroom?

The robber ducky!

o What do you call a lamb attack ship?

A battlesheep!

(Contributed by Malta )

o What did Adam say to Eve on Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve!

(Contributed by Ellie )

o What kind of vegetable did Gus eat at the bowling alley?

A-spare-a-gus!

(Contributed by Shannon )

o What are grey, purple, pink, orange, yellow and blue?

An elephant holding a box of crayons!!

(Contributed by Danilsa )

o What's the LONGEST word in the WHOLE WORLD?

S-MILE...because "s" is a mile from the end!

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Funny Kids Joke #4:

(Contributed by anonymous)

o W hy did the man put his money in the freezer?

He wanted cold hard cash!

o What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

"Is that you mommy?"

o What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

o How do crazy people go through the forest?

They take the psycho path.

o What do prisoners use to call each other?

Cell phones.

o What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

o Where do polar bears vote?

The North Poll

o What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?

ME!!!

o Where do snowmen keep their money?

In snow banks.

o What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

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Funny Kids Joke #5:

(Contributed by anonymous)

o W hy do sea-gulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!

o What dog keeps the best time?

A watch dog.

o Why did the tomato turn red?

It saw the salad dressing!

o What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

It let out a little wine!

o How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogey in it!

o Where do bees go to the bathroom?

At the BP station!

o What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?

Odor in the court.

o What did the water say to the boat?

Nothing, it just waved.

o What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?

Dam!

o Why don't skeletons fight each other?

They don't have the guts.

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Funny Kids Joke #6:

(Contributed by anonymous)

o W hat has four legs but can't walk?

A table!

o Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the Shell station!

o What did the ground say to the earthquake?

You crack me up!

o What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?

Milk and quackers!

o Why did the elephant eat the candle?

He wanted a light snack!

o Why is the letter "G" scary?

It turns a host into a ghost

o What has 4 eyes but no face?

Mississippi!

o What did the spider do on the computer?

Made a website!

o What letters are not in the alphabet?

The ones in the mail, of course!

o Why were 6 afraid of 7?

Because 789!

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Funny Kids Joke #7:

(Contributed by anonymous)

o W hy did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because it felt crummy.

o How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?

Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses!

o What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

A little horse

o What do you call cheese that is not yours?

Nacho Cheese

o Why did the sheep say "moo"?

It was learning a new language!

o What streets do ghosts haunt?

Dead ends!

o What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?

The Space bar!

o What exam do young witches have to pass?

A spell-ing test!

o Why did the boy eat his homework?

Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!

o Why is Basketball such a messy sport?

Because you dribble on the floor!

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Funny Kids Joke #8:

(Contributed by anonymous)

o W hat is the best day to go to the beach?

Sunday, of course!

o What bow can't be tied?

A rainbow!

o What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?

Every morning you'll rise and shine!

o What does a teddy bear put in his house?

Fur-niture!

o What season is it when you are on a trampoline?

Spring time.

o What happens to cows during an earthquake?

They give milk shakes!

o Why did the jelly wobble?

Because it saw the milk shakes!

o What do you call a girl who is always in the bookies?

Betty!

o Where do cows go on holiday?

Moo York

o Where did the computer go to dance?

To a disc-o.

o What do you call a man who rolls in the leaves?

Russell

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Funny Kids Joke #9:

(Contributed by anonymous)

o W hat has one head, one foot and four legs?

A Bed

o Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

He was a chicken.

o What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?

The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".

o What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil?

Stop going in circles and get to the point!

o How do you make a hotdog stand?

Steal its chair!

o Did you hear about what happened at the Laundromat last night?

Three clothes-pins held up two shirts!

o Why did the computer squeak?

Because someone stepped on its mouse

o What did one earthquake say to another?

It's not my fault!

o Where's an astronaut's favorite place on the computer?

The spacebar!

o What do you call a cat that sucks on lemons?

A sour puss!

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