The US Surgeon General has come out to say that Santa Claus is a poor role model for kids and so he wants Santa to slim down. What?! First they take away the jolly man's pipe and now they are taking away his belly "which shook when he laughed like a bowlfull of jelly". Is nothing sacred?

Well doc, it's not Santa making American kids fat - it's American food, And their fat American parents who cart them to buffets and McDonalds instead of actually cooking. Even when these tubbies are at home they don't make fresh food - a whole generation of American kids only know frozen prepared meals and breakfasts. I have cousins that would rather have microwaved french toast sticks instead of REAL FRENCH TOAST! More than half of my college dorm grew up on frozen pizzas and Hot Pockets, after a while you crave that junk and end up not even liking real food.

It's not like I'm a health nut - far from it, but I realize that we are fighting a loosing battle in the calorie wars. I love to eat and I do try to eat real food instead of fast food but how can an angry guy like me stand a chance against the Baconator? The thing is a heavy as a brick and makes your heart hurt afterwards, but man does it taste good. And they have the nerve to blame a Saint who only comes around once a year - although he seems to be hanging around longer each time- and eats a few milk and cookies? If you are going to blame fat kids on a guy in a silly costume blame Ronald McDonald, not Santa Claus.