- You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.

- Your kid may be an honours student, but you're still an idiot.

- Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

- Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

- Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.

- There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

- There are two theories about arguing with women; neither works.

- The quickest way to double your mo ney is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket